You make a deal with the devil – you are able to talk anybody into anything, in exchange for your soul. The devil hastily takes your soul, and is about to return to hell – little does he realize you’re not done talking to him yet.
“Sign here, no here. Damnit, here!” Satan urged as he hastily pointed to the contract. Sure, I am still shocked that the summoning worked or that the devil showed up at all. I had assumed he had, you know, hellish things to do? But who cares, all I know is that the devil is in my living room giving me what I want.
“I don’t know…is this binding? I might need a lawyer…” I said reading over the contract.
Granted, I can’t read Latin, but still I just don’t like to sign things away without at least pretending I know what it is.
“No lawyers! Why would a lawyer even be here? Look woman! I am a very busy person-”
“But…you’re a demon? Right? I mean-”
The tail that wasn’t there before sprang up out of his pants as his smooth- flawless skin turned scalely. “I could rip the soul out of you if i wanted. Now that I am here, obey and sign. Now!” He roared darkly as his previously golden eyes turned black.
“Geesh…don’t get your panties in a wad. Not like hell is going anywhere…” I grumbled as I picked up the pen and signed my name.
The demonic paper suddenly turned to flames on my wooden table leaving a burned scorch as Satan sprang up form his seat, his demon form returning back to a human face. Is it weird to have a crush on the devil? I mean he was the most attractive angel ever.
Yeah I should keep some thoughts to myself.
“Thank you mortal! Now in approximately fourteen years I will return for you. Enjoy your witch speak.” He cackled.
“Now that you mention it, fourteen years does seem a little, I don’t know, sudden.”
Frowning at me, the star I used to summon him lit aflame as he smiled at me. “The curse of life Im afraid. See you soon mortal.”
“Now why do you have to go? In fact, stay.” I smiled as he haulted suddenly, the star’s symbol going out.
Glaring at me, he turned. “Oh I see. You think you’re a clever mortal! I will rip you to pieces where you stand!!”
“No you won’t. In fact, I kinda need to go to the store. You know, girlie things. I need a big strong man to help me with all the groceries.” I smiled as I stood up and grabbed up my purse.
Looking back as he stood there, glaring at me, I waved him to me. “Now why are you standing there Satan? Got makeup to buy, things to see! Come on!”
“I will end you mortal. As soon as you slip I will take great pleasure in throwing you in the darkest hole I can find and laugh while the demons rip you apart piece by piece.”
“Geesh, no wonder you got booted from heaven. You’re intense as shit.” I laughed as I opened the door. “I don’t really enjoy torture or dismemberment. So when I die, make sure I’m, you know, comfortable? Like five star comfortable. Ooh, and I want to see Joan Rivers! She’s in hell right?”
“Yes..” he growled.
“Well free her babe, she’s no good to me dead!” I laughed as he snapped and a scream from my house erupted behind us. Looking to him, he glared at me. “Satan, I see a beautiful relationship in the future. You are gonna be my friend for all eternity? Right? Never had a devil as a friend before,” I smiled as we walked.
“In all my years I have never hated one soul in all my time…”
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Think Things 