reasons to hire me to dress up like a faerie and live on your property:

vampireapologist:

asterismjess:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

1. i can live off the land and sleep in the woods so you don’t have to house me
2. delight your relatives and dinner guests if they spot me tending to my berry bushes on the edge of the back yard
3. claim me as a dependent on your taxes

you can choose one of many looks from my portfolio:

lake spirt with lily pad hat

temperate forest sprite

talks to animals (goats not included, can bond with whatever animal you provide)

tiny creature whisperer

selkie

lives in a cave

standard garden variety pixie

Hey, everyone! I’m looking for a summer job so don’t forget to hire your yard faerie today

hey guys! I’m job-hunting again so let me know if you need my services!

How well do you do with alligators?

I’ll bond with them just the same but if you feed them any raw chicken you have to feed me one too.