aphcirclestealsursoulathogwarts:
Fine as a lamp
Hot like a chicken
Smell like a toaster
Shine like a baby
I’m highly disappointed this doesn’t rhyme
Let’s start again, amigos:
Dirty like a napkin
Kinky like a hose
dangerous as a hatpin
My mistress’ sheen is nothing like a lamp’s,
No stockinged stand, no shade to staunch her glare;
If capons bronze, why then her pallor’s damp.
For mornings’ start, a toaster’d be less rare
To fill the kitchen with a savory scent.
Her skin is dull next to a baby’s glow;
A napkin’d better take the complement
Of my lips’ stain against that patch of snow.
I love to watch her squirm, yet, for a start,
A hose would better twist and gush and dance;
A hatpin’s bladed point would pierce my heart
Far simpler than these games of mere romance.
And yet, by heaven, I hold her as a rose
Compared to all these scattered bits of prose.That’s my favorite sonnet and I love this parody
Author: Time Lizzy Saint
Greetings! The name is Time Lizzy, or Time as my friends call me. They/Them pronouns. I love to try new things, draw, sing, dance, garden, and I do some witchcraft in my free time. I'm a Hetalia role playing partner if you guys are interested.
Mickey Mouse has died. As per his last will and testament he can only be replaced by “The one who wishes it most.” Roughly translated, a battle royal has broken out and the Magic Kingdom is at war. You’re an obscure character who finally has their chance to climb to the top. Tell your story.
“How many times have I told you kids to stop turning up the gravity? It stays at 68%, if you don’t like it put on a weight jacket.”
You’ve always felt the wildlife on the tour were just a little bit too docile and the whole thing felt staged. You had no solid proof, until you’ve accidentally snagged a video of a tour guide splitting his tips with a gorilla.
At a bar you’re approached by a wide eyed journalist. “It’s you. The most dangerous and feared being in existence.” You nod. They ask “Can I ask you how you got that title?” You smile and tell them the tale.
The real reason why aliens wont attack Humanity is because the system is full of overwhelmingly powerful ancient defense systems and weaponry.
You’ve just finished your latest invention: A Universal Translator. While testing it, you accidentally input some human genome and, to your surprise, it begins to work. As it processes you can make out the first few words: “Quality assured by inspector #12.”
Changing a Wikipedia article will actually change reality to match what was written. Only the people who edit Wikipedia actually seem to notice this.
The Wizards’ Council has lost its most valuable artifact: a ring that vastly amplifies the powers of the wearer. On an unrelated note, party magician Mystical Maribel has *really* improved since she got engaged.
