writing-prompt-s:

A ghost grows close to the brown recluse spiders living in their abandoned house. When someone moves in and calls an exterminator, the ghost sets out to get revenge.

thesides:

Logan: …Roman, are you still not over it?

Roman, crying: YOU PULLED ON MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, YOU VILLAIN-

romanochez:

Roman: If I die, my funeral’s gonna be the biggest fucking party ever and you’re all invited.

Logan: If?

Virgil: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die.

redundant-statements-for-400:

Patton: Please tell me this is safe.

Deceit: This is safe.

Patton: Please tell me this is safe, without lying.

Deceit: …You’re really demanding, you know that.

prince-dark-and-stormy-night:

Sanders Sides as Conversations My Friends and I Have Had

—–

Logan: You know too much caffeine is bad for you…right?

Virgil: *mixing coffee* And?

Logan: And…this is the third cup of the down?

Virgil: *downs entire thing of coffee* (or tries to) Fuck health.

– – – – –

Patton: If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!

*no one claps*

Patton: Oh…I knew I wasn’t going to clap but…oh guys!

– – – – –

Roman: I would love to be a dancer or a singer or a playwrite. But alas I cannot dance or sing or write.

Talyn: Who the fuck uses alas anymore?

– – – – –

Joan: You have a cute butt.

Thomas: Your butt is cuter.

Joan: Excuse you – I mean thank you but don’t deny your butts cuteness.

Thomas: Don’t deny your butts cuteness!

Talyn: I could be in Malibu with my cousin right now…

– – – – –

Virgil: Welcome to our school where we culture appropriate Native Americans but none of our teachers admit it’s wrong!

– – – – –

Patton: Can’t you just smile real quick?

Logan: I’ve never smiled. Happiness is all an illusion and I will never – *dog walks by* OH MY GOD THAT’S SO CUTE!

– – – – –

Roman: I enjoy writing stories because I make all my characters in the LGBT+ community and nOT WHITE!

– – – – –

Patton: I want a drink. You make me crave to be drunk. And I’m seventeen.

Thomas: Why…why are you whispering threateningly at your text book?

– – – – –

Virgil: “Celebrate good times”? The only time that’s ever good is when I’m asleep because it’s like being dead but being able to wake up for food.

Patton: O-Okay well we can skip this song if you want.

– – – – –

Logan: *at an animal abuse protest* IF ANYONE HERE HURTS AN ANIMAL I’LL FUCK YOU WITH THIS SIGN I MADE!

– – – – –

Roman: *wearing a skirt and crop top*

Virgil: Why are you wearing my clothes?

Roman: Why aren’t you wearing my clothes?

Virgil: Because your shirts make me look like a baby.

Roman: You are a baby.

Virgil: Bitch!

– – – – –

Joan: Dicks out for Harambe!

Virgil: It is 2018.

Joan: …

Virgil: Stop assuming everyone has a dick. Privates out for Harambe.

– – – – –

Patton: Hey! Wanna hear a joke?

Virgil: Me?

Patton: Wha – NO!

theroyalramen:

Sanders Sides as things theatre kids have said around me

Roman: It’s mine. I created it. Trademarked Roman.

Virgil: I’m wearing black because you’re all dead to me.

Patton: *Sobs* I just love all of you. Everyone here is talented and perfect and I’d die for them.

Logan: You guys might lack common sense but that’s because it all came to me when we met. It transferred into my brain and it’s mine now.

vaugleysassygrunt:

You know that thing you do where you come up with the perfect, most flawless argument two days after it’s relevant?

Do you think Patton does that with puns?