northernwinedregs:

Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

nsfwgayboysofhetalia:

“Papa! Oh- I- I didn’t know you were here-”

Alfred stopped mid-thrust, looking down at the fleshlight and back up at Ivan with a shameful expression. He was never allowed to touch himself unless Ivan gave him specific orders to. The Russian sighed and placed a hand over his forehead, as if he had a headache.
 “Finish up. I’ll be back with your punishment.”

He said calmly, walking back out of the room and leaving Alfred to guiltily fuck the fleshlight as fast as he could, knowing the longer he took, the worse his punishment would be.

Keep reading

the-shuckiest-shuck:

johnskylar:

medschoolapplicant:

Physics majors throw a lot of shade considering they’re still not sure where 95% of the universe is hidden.

My brother’s (a graduated theoretical physicist) only response to this was
“WELL NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE!”

Gryffindor: I’m going to take a gap year to make up for the sleep I’ll be missing until I retire.
Hufflepuff: I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. All I know is that I like Cheerios.
Ravenclaw: I may not know the equation, but I know that all the scientists before Newton managed without just fine.
Slytherin: We throw shade at you that you could easily throw back, but you don’t! Why???